Feelings are how you have experiences with angels.
Reactions are because you no longer feel them.
Firstly I want to separate these two labels because they are not the same. Emotions are reactions to how you feel when something happens. Here’s an example: During a discussion, someone disagreed with you and you didn’t like it. You went from a calm feeling when you started the discussion, then you changed to a feeling that was uncomfortable like your heart sank or you felt like something punched you in the stomach because you didn’t like that someone disagreed with you.
Your reaction is the emotion, and the feeling is the tactile sensation that happens inside your body as the reaction played out. When the Sun is shining on your skin, the day is lovely and mild, not too hot, not too cold. You feel the warmth of the Sun and as a result of the feeling, you may have an emotion of excitement or gratitude.
It may seem like splitting hairs but it’s helpful to separate these two. One impacts the other. The more you react to negative feelings the more emotions arise and a cycle is created between emotions and feelings – the worse you feel the more you react and the more you react the worse you feel.
Feelings encompass all sorts of flavours from sharp stabbing pains, electric shocks, heaviness, pressure, stinging, burning, hot, cold, tension, or holding in like a squeezing sensation. Feelings are sensations. Emotions are actions to sensations. Fear is the emotion aligned with the feeling you think you are going to endure when undertaking a particular task that may be confronting. Fight or Flight is based on the primal instinct to save your own life, which is helpful when you are actually in a situation where your life is on the line. Yet most fears are born out of situations that are not life-threatening but merely uncomfortable.
The key to mastery of feelings is staying open. Suppression of feelings is not mastery, it is a closing. Being open means you stay aware in the feeling and let it happen. You feel the feeling, acknowledge it is happening and follow through with that feeling until it has passed. A closing on the other hand is when you slam shut. You walk away without resolution and you don’t address the discomfort of the feeling. You have not enabled yourself to express yourself. You may have felt the beginnings of the feeling, let’s say you burnt yourself. You may quickly place your hand underwater or soothe it with salve, wrap it up and go on your way. Another way to handle this is to stay open to what happened. Feel the intensity of the burning and express how a burn makes you feel. You may have been working really fast and became careless. Acknowledge how the burn came to happen. Keep your awareness on the feeling of the burn. You may be surprised how the painful sensations dissipate more quickly when you are open to the feeling of it.
Trauma, no matter if it manifests mentally or physically – if not dealt with in terms of coping, understanding, and resolution is likely to place a child on hyper-alert to its surroundings. In the process of being hyper-alert, the child is figuring out how to navigate its way to keep itself safe.
Shoving down feelings and emotions is a sure way to make your conscious mind seem like it is on steroids. The discursive mind goes in circles justifying its existence based on our inability to express ourselves and be open to what comes our way. Blah, blah, blah, on and on it goes reasoning the whys and wherefores to why you are having a reaction. Blame, blame, blame. Because, because, because. Huff, puff. Anger, sadness, resentment, frustration, and on and on it goes. All of these emotions are reactions to something we couldn’t deal with because we could not openly express how we felt. Being hyper-alert and having an overthinking mind is an indicator that trauma is likely to have occurred in the past.
Some of us have terrible experiences, like violent confrontations that are either mental or physical. Of course, we are going to react, we are supposed to. This is part of the animal instincts we have. The main problem with violent or traumatic experiences is our inability to deal with them. Obviously, the feelings associated with violent or traumatic experiences have voltage. What may seem like minor incidences to a parent can be a major traumatic incident to a child. Particularly if these incidences are experienced as repeated events in a child’s upbringing, the effects are taken into adulthood. In some cases, it only takes one.
Feelings to a child are quite acute. They are more sensitive than an adult and this needs to be acknowledged. Usually, the only way a child can express emotions is by crying. From the moment a child is born they are learning and creating ways to cope with feelings in ways that help them adapt to their environment. A child is always learning from their environment on how to live in the world. The sins of the father – refers to how a child has picked up behavior from the parent because that’s the influence of their environment.
You will be very aware that any adult with teenage children can tell you that dealing with the emotions of a teenager is mind-blowing. At this period, usually, neither the child nor adult are able to deal well with feelings and emotions, theirs or the other person’s. The reflective interactions are often out of control and nobody likes the mirror they are looking at.
Commonly, traumas from childhood carry into the life of the adult but in many cases by the time adulthood comes along the wounds have been covered over by protective character traits that we had to create in order to cope. Yes, we created coping mechanisms in the form of character traits as a means to being in the world and acting normal or not acting out of place.
This says a lot about how we have evolved as humans toward our attitudes, responses, and reactions to our own senses. We cover over our feelings with coping mechanisms. Those feelings are sitting in our bodies, lying dormant, and we consciously think we’ve dealt with them. Notice the word dormant. These feelings are not extinct. They are stuck within us causing havoc and creating dis-ease.
Not only do psychiatrists and psychologists have an industry based on emotions and feelings, so too does the food, cosmetic, entertainment, diet, and clothing industry. In fact, the majority of industries are playing on the feelings and emotions of the human race. Notice too this has spilled over to the pet industry, but that’s another blog.
Until you learn how to master the reactions to your emotions and feelings, your life is likely to be out of control in some form. For many of us, because of how we are navigating our lives, we are not consciously aware that our characters are protecting us in ways that stifle our lives. We are closed to anything we think is going to be threatening. What is unconsciously happening, however, is that you attract to you the very thing that you are fearing. That is a universal law. You create what you put out and what you send out you receive back.
Sadly, this is learned behavior because we were not taught how to cope with our feelings and emotions. If you have fear then you create fear. If you are untrusting then you’ll create situations in which you can’t trust. If you are protecting yourself then you are in situations where you need to protect yourself.
Counter this with happiness and joy. This is difficult for many to comprehend, however, the truth is if you want happiness you have to be happy. If you want joy then be in joy.
And this is where the saying ‘Joy Is a Choice’ comes from. You can choose to be in joy. It’s all a matter of perspective and your responses to experiences.
Easier said than done. I’m hearing you – I’ve spent my life transforming negative emotions and feelings. I have sourced and gained clarity on the core of traumatic experiences and there were more than one. The only way to empowerment is to seek clarity on your behavior, find the causes of unconscious reactions, and defuse them. It helps to change your perceptions and make different choices. Regardless of who did what to you, it is you who is having the reaction and only you can change yourself. Really see that. We have to learn to cope and stay open, not cope by staying closed.
If you are living your life using a series of coping characters, most of us are by the way, then you have to ask ‘who am I really?’ Who was I before all these terrible experiences? How many of these characters have I created? By the way, those characters are actors you are playing on a stage you have chosen to be on. The answer lies within you. The essence of your pure Self lies under all the malaise and all the suppressed emotions and feelings.
I have created the Essar Program where I work one on one with you to assist with self-awareness and help you to flush out your fallen ego. You are then guided to change your focus and rise to your higher Ego. This entails seeing where your challenges are in life, your difficulties, and your struggles. You cannot deconstruct without reconstructing so your true potential is highlighted which sets you on your way to being the real you in the world. Contact me for further details.