Updated: Mar 12
Why is it important to learn how to express emotions?
As mentioned in part 1 unexpressed and suppressed emotions create dis-ease in the body. You create coping characters to act out ways of being in the world in ways that make sure you are not vulnerable to negative feelings. These suppressed emotions remain in the body and we use our thinking mind to control what happens next.
A coping mechanism may be one where instead of saying what is on your mind, you swallow down your feelings and make sure the words don’t come out. Over time this becomes a normal way that you interact. You hold your tongue. You are probably also holding your breath, squeezing your legs, your jaw is clenched, your shoulders might be caved forward too because at some level your heart is not happy. All because you don’t want to make a scene or you fear that if you did say something there would be a backlash that you couldn’t handle.
Characters as Coping Mechanisms
Many people who do this are likely to also have a social character that takes care of being around people but not subject to any negative effects of being with them. Your social character may be polite, easy to get along with, generous with compliments, and likeable. This character serves you well. If there is something you don’t agree with you don’t say anything. You prefer to be agreeable than voice your own opinion. People like you because you are nice and you don’t make waves. This all sounds good. Who doesn’t want to be liked? But is it you they like or the character you are playing?
Suppressing emotions and shoving them down into the body is like winding string around your finger. Eventually, it cuts off the blood supply. You create an energy block by not following through on what it is you needed to express because of the feelings you were having. If you do this often enough, whether consciously or unconsciously, the mental blocking that impacts your life force will affect your physical body, which in turn will affect your physical health.
You can tangibly feel yourself clenching, retracting, and grasping the body. Slow down the reaction or response you have when your feelings are hurt and take notice of what your body is doing. For many, this mechanism is unconscious. So much so that it’s easy to say that doesn’t bother me or I’m over that when in fact you have become so good at suppression that it’s normal. Because you’ve learned to do it all the time, it has become natural.
Physical ill-health is a stress on the body. Mental ill-health is a stress on your thinking mind. These two parts of us are not separate, they are part of the whole. Whatever affects us physically will affect our mind and vice versa. To what extent depends on your perspective on what has happened.
A Bitter Pill
Whatever experience we have whilst in our human body is subject to feelings and emotions, the good and the bad. A victim will blame the circumstance of their emotions and feelings on a person or event that occurred where they were harmed. A common reaction is to blame someone or something else for causing the harm. Our court system is full of cases between victims and insurance companies because someone has to pay for what happened. Interestingly the biggest winner in these situations is the court system and the insurance companies.
I’m not wanting to get into an argument about who did what to whom and they deserve to pay and it’s not my fault. However, if you align to the universal law that you get back what you put out, you have to ask how you were placed in the damaging situation in the first place where you experienced harm.
I am trusting and in my brave character here. I know you can’t have this conversation with just anyone. Already I may have pissed off half my audience by acknowledging what is possibly the elephant in the room. Make sure to ask yourself: how did I get myself into this mess? It’s a good question to ask. You and you alone have control over your reactions to any circumstance.
Making these comments, I am not condoning the actions of anyone who harms you. Please be clear on this. It is not okay for someone to abuse you. It is important to find appropriate and effective ways to move through the triggers and the major blocks caused by abusive trauma.
Feelings and emotions are not going to be erased from the pallet of human experiences so it pays to get a handle on them in ways that are empowering to you and not debilitating.
Life can be full of wonderful experiences where feelings are joyful, full of heart, exciting, and simply glorious. It is worth the journey to overcome negative experiences in order to have the full monty of positive feelings that come with a life consciously well lived.
I have created the Essar Program where I work one on one with you to assist with self-awareness and help you to flush out your fallen ego. You are then guided to change your focus and rise to your higher Ego. This entails seeing where your challenges are in life, your difficulties, and your struggles. You cannot deconstruct without reconstructing so your true potential is highlighted which sets you on your way to being the real you in the world. Contact me for further details.